escaping?

happiness lasts a very short period?
life is always full-filled with hindrance so as to test mankind?
i am hesitating and wondering what i am thinking
it's really mixed with a lot of doubt and suspicious
i am tired to say everything of this again
it's just making me helpless
who should i believe?
i hesitate,again and again
i hate gossip
i hate the sound
am i escaping whatever happened beside me?
i'm really don't know
i don't want to care anything none of my business at all

today is a rainy day
it seems so cool to me
my whole body is frozen
it brings back the memories when i am trying mybest to wipe off
it's been lurking deeply in my heart
i feel it again
my tears is rolling in my eyes
i want to stay at my home
i love my home
it's a place that i can care about nothing
it's the only place i feel safe to stay

i am very unhappy now
i hate myself being silly like now
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

where is the blissful mind of mine?
come back please....