Most told me the same answer,"Whenever I told you about something else, despite serious or not, you laugh like a mad fella."
Sometimes I told my close friends,"Hey I will emo sometime,err or you should consider me as I am.Haha."
I was staying at HELP resident right after my quiz for about 3hours to wait WeiLi tonight. It made me to really so want to stay at a place alone as a kind of practice for myself to grow.I was standing beside the window at 18th floor where I could have a glance of Bangsar Night's view.I know it will be a very challenging pathway to be able to adapt an environment without family around but I still hope to.The feelings was weird yet I could not express it in either better way.I was very emo.
I could proudly to tell you I have quite a number of friends which I am willing to share every piece of thoughts in mind, explicit my emotion in words and offer my smiley.I am really thankful to God for granting this ever precious gift. Make clear to you, some friendship may last some may not, but anyway it's merely the matter of your commitment and willingness to sustain.
I really love my friends, especially Mohammad Faz,Ashley Yow. Faz had his performance today but I wasn't able to attend it, just being able to verbally wish Good Luck and fist support for him. I forgot to pass him chocolate that I wanted to give him, and that had been my significant innate to being very blur. Seriously, I wasn't in a good mood on that time too as I got serious headache right after my quiz. It's the weather problem I guess, as I often couldn't deal well with the hot weather after 4pm. Sigh.
Ashley Yow she is a very grateful girl. She loves her friends and family. She knows what to appreciate in life. She always car pool with me, and that's the reason or way I get know about her more. I would prefer to conclude that she is a giver among the crowd of people. I just love this kind of people.
Gossip in college.It's always the problem in the life of people, especially Chinese spoken people.It wasn't a prejudice but generalization, they tend to lack of some spiritual thinking. They are always being self-centered. I'm glad that we (if you think you are one of my close/good friends) are not categorized as theirs. Personal attacking among each other and backstacking their so called friends at tongue, what's the point? Assignment is the most obvious test that you could go through to examine them. Can't you all just do the best of your part and being more independently? Can't you all just speak directly the truth at your heart, what actually you are thinking about to your group members? Can't you all just being a lil more generous to contribute more of your effort? Sorry if offending, I don't feel right to deal with such a bad attitude.
Anyway, I heard it from a quite nice friend who offered me a stay in hostel tonight. I thought they were so close enough to stay together in a group everyday. But, the truth was telling me that I was totally wrong. How ridiculous and sarcastic huh?
Back to topic, really thankful to God that let me to mingle with them: Leong Shu Yi, Deweil Tan, Esther Lian, Ashley Yow, Natalie Khoo, Johannan Sim, Harry Wong. They are so funny enough to be lame, so crazy enough to joke, so serious enough when doing assignments, so passionate in let everything be done well, so mature enough in making sort of decisions, so helpful enough whenever anyone of us needs help.
Wealth. I have done reflection about this lately. Loneliness = wealth. All often the more you pursue in life, the more you feel unhappy. As the Chinese's saying goes by, 得到全世界又能怎样,你真的快乐吗?I agree. Sometime I didn't feel happy at all when I force myself to carry the works on with all my best, my life as it was filled with meaningless stories. I can have everything I wish to have, but sometime I don't feel happy at all. Is it because of lacking contentment personally or I am actually exaggerating my inner desire to get more?
I have no answer for these sort of questions. Me,myself, is a perfectionist. I want the best for everything. Easiest way,you could notice it when I was doing my assignment. I know, to be the best is more than enough and I won't feel happy at all whenever grabbing this kind of virtual happiness-to be success in life. Don't you think it's just a matter of pride? Similar to what I have learnt in CTS, it's considered a fallacy- loaded question-which the answer has been given in the question indirectly. To be happy or not happy, all depend my decision, I know.
It's my weakness, as always is- not being able to pick up the problem to overcome it.Even I could figure out my problem clearly, I have not enough commitment to solve it.
First the barrier is I don't want to waste my parents money, I have siblings still who will need that large amount of money for studies too .Second, their expectations-my family and friends. Third, inner-built stress.
The burden drives me mad sometime.
I talked to Eunice yesterday.
Me :"You know...I feel my self isn't good enough. As in the case like I din even able to cope well in handling my time and I put God aside. To be honest, the distance between me and God is getting much further. I din go to church. I din read bible. I feel guitly."
Eunice:" Iyee, you know, sometime you don't have to be good enough, and not to see whether you go church or not, then judge whether you are good enough . It's not the matter about. But you, yourself, your heart. You know how important is He to you."
I was sitting beside her. I didn't dare to look at her directly. Somehow, she spoke right to my heart. The words stimulated the tears flooding my eyes.
She actually figure out a point which I sometime accidentally ignore it. All about myself, not others. How I judge myself but not to work to let people judge you.
It was Friday night, 12am when I was with her.
At heart. I concern things regarded at heart including yours, mine, and everyone. Speaking words excessively doensn't suit my style, but the truth you must admit that is, you must know me more before judging me. I am not a cool girl but just I won't speak much to someone who I don't really know. I don't care whether you like or not, because the deepest part of my heart is filled with deepest ever faith that people who I love, they will know me. Yea it is always the warmest comfort at heart (:
Yesterday I didn't drive my car to college and I feel quite regret of it. So directionless. Wei-Li unfortunatelly got held by her boss to work overtime till 11pm. My friends were all in conference hall for Faz and Esther performance. I was so directionless and lonely. Haha.
A specially thanks to KahYan Ooi for offering me a stay last night at HELP resident and Harry Wong for calling me to offer his help.
For the very first time, I fall in love to one of the huge number of korean dramas.
Haha. Sound so weird but yes, I actually realised quite lot routine about life in this drama.
I had been watching this drama for 3 times la. Categorized it as 疯狂please.
Another following one probably is SaveYou Last Dance For Me. Right WongKeeYean?
Haha.
Till next,
Loves.
:)
No comments:
Post a Comment