Anxiety.

I was stunned by the creepy fear. I didn't know why.

Yesterday, I dreamed a hopeless world where one of the TM building in Malaysia was boomed by a helicopter, I witnessed the whole process, people who were alive were thrown out of the buiding due to the huge impacts of bomb, some even from the highest floor. The children were crying, the whole Malaysia were in mess as what were happening in Japan. I was stunned in the middle. My heart was half-broken seeing this hopeless world. I tried to wake myself up from reality at that moment the dream was ruining my mind but I couldn't. The dream is so real enough to convince me believing it. I cried.
In the morning, when I woke up, I still couldn't get out from the dream. I checked my phone whether the contact line was still available. I checked facebook. My heart was very sad and afraid that it would become real. Thank God, it wasn't real.

Emotions controlled my spirit the whole day.Early in the morning, I drove to college with a not really concious mind. Thank God I didn't create any accident. Aww. I feel exhausted in these few months. I didn't really get a enough break to refresh myself. Even I did, it merely the only 2 1/2 days in camp I went last week. I posted
 "Frustration test my persistency. Workloads test my endurance. I'm waiting the day of triumph win over failure and the precious breathtaking moment. Tambah minyak IyeePoon!" in facebook.
I was really feeling extremely bad that moment. Then I got MILO from Alvin, it worked just a very short moment. I was exhausted in enduring such a stressful workloads.

Then I went church to meet everyone. Worship moment, wonders overwhelmed my mind, fear restricted my footsteps, but God, HE still loves me. It was also about reflection on life. Somehow, the way God planned to tell me what's going on to the world. The trend has been twisted,abortions,divorce,depression,evils,homesexuality,sex are common. Alvin, as the major speaker of this issue, his enthusiasm in serving God, his loves and his passion always reveal God's love to me. The major message :" Fill, foundation and filter." So I asked myself:" Where is your persistency?Gone?" Then back to resist any positive energy. Sigh. I must be strong but I wasn't even able to endure anything either right now. My spirit entangles me to do so.
I wanted to spend time with them,tell every secrets of mine to them,but the time didn't allow me to do so. I didn't mean to just reply a message "I am fine, just don't have much time to spend." I really wanted to reply longer version, but papers on my table keep urging me to finish them.
Come slap and wake me up from being such a frustrating coward.
Boooo SHE!