Fear

Sometimes I'm lost in this amazing race of my life. I fear, especially in the relationship of people. In this, I often struggle to believe, to think, to guess what someone might think about. It's just hard for me to not doubt. I have lots of worries all the time. Because I fear to once listen to the sound of how a sincere heart has been broken, I fear of it.

I don't want to doubt, I want to believe, just that.
But when I restore d passion in heart- to believe, I get hurts. It made me feel frustrated and tired to believe people. People, why? My spirit and soul get weakened so easily because of humility, when I see broken relationship, when I see how parents raise their children in a wrong way, when I see evil people who steal, kill and rap, when I see selfish people, when I see people are drawn crazy to work day and night, just to earn money, to show off...
There's a question in my heart: Why? What for?

Lately, I start to spend more time with God. (One of the conveniences I bought a smart phone, so I could do devotions every morning in my car.) I asked God to restore my faith and trust in Him. I don't want to facebook so frequently as I feel bored (+frustrated) to see some people update their status for nothing.
In the morning: "Oh I am emo...:("
Afternoon:" Oh I am so happy! :)"
Night:" I can't sleep tonight..:( Insomnia? I miss you..."
To be sincere, I feel sien to see this.

I wish I could tell you what's the exact meaning of real life. Okay, coming to this point, I could be so serious to tell you, life is meant for so much more, not day and night, "you miss me, I miss you..." like that. It sounds so lifeless please. I won't mention who are you, cuz too many of my friends in fb, they get used to be that, day and night update things about their BGR relationship, today awws so sweet, next day, he don't bother to listen to my phone..T.T We argue, we break up. Awwss -___-
  
I hate this kind of relationship. They spoil the real meaning in it- the meaning of Love.

God, lead me. I want to be real to my life, live the meaning out of it. I want to be pure and throw all the sinful thoughts.
And, Thank God for him, d blekminator. He has been a great blessing to me since I know God.

Misty Edwars- Take my heart
For a long time I have waited for You
You have won my heart
I am following
For a long time I’ve been crying out for You
Tears make my heart soft I am ready for
The return of the Lover, the return of the Lover
Fashioned from the very fabric of God
At the start of time, set free to decide
I will love You, You’re the One who loved me first
Just one look from Your eye, I’m captivated by
The eyes of the Lover, the eyes of the Lover
Take my heart, my mind and strength too
I was made for loving You
I will wait
I’ll be faithful
I was made for loving You